The bar for raising sons has fundamentally shifted. In a cultural climate where misogyny is increasingly mainstreamed and women continue to face systemic demeaning, parents—particularly mothers—are reckoning with a deeply uncomfortable question: How do we raise young men who not only refuse to harm women, but refuse to stand by quietly when others do?
Tens of thousands of words have been analyzed regarding the legal and institutional failures surrounding the "Cornell 7"—the group of seven fraternity brothers at Cornell University accused of drugging and sexually assaulting a 20-year-old student over the course of seven hours in 2024. Public outrage has spanned across the board: anger at a legal system that failed the survivor, known in court documents as Jane Doe; disgust with entrenched power structures that afford certain families and young men limited consequences for catastrophic actions; and a renewed national rallying cry to abolish fraternities on college campuses entirely.
Yet, amid the legal debates and institutional inquiries, parents across the country are left grappling with a profound sense of bewilderment. Writing in Essence, journalist Tomika Anderson captured the core anxiety of modern parenting in the wake of such events: "I want to raise a son who understands that his responsibility to another human being doesn’t end with, ‘I didn’t do it.’"
The details of the Cornell 7 case defy basic human reason. Observers are forced to confront how a mass group of young men could comfortably refer to a drugged, incapacitated woman as sexually available using the crudest terminology imaginable—such as asking via a fraternity-wide group chat titled "Chi Phi Actives" whether the "shop still open" so they too could participate. Even more harrowing is the reality that within that digital room, not a single student alerted authorities or intervened when those messages were broadcasted.
We Live in a World That Normalizes Cruelty
This widespread normalization of cruelty represents a chilling reality for parents, educators, and society at large. The seven fraternity members named in the lawsuit were enrolled at one of the country’s premier academic institutions; they possessed immense educational opportunities and societal privileges.
What is alleged in the case could only occur if the accused individuals harbored a casual, profound disregard for the victim’s life, body, and basic autonomy—essentially failing to recognize her fundamental humanity. Observers of sexual violence have long emphasized that assault is rarely about sex; it is an exercise of power. These men allegedly exerted absolute control over a vulnerable, incapacitated peer. While accounts note that two individuals eventually intervened to halt the assaults, it happened only after multiple alleged violations had already occurred, and crucially, long after dozens of peers had remained silent witnesses in a digital chat room, prioritizing group status and social standing over human life.
The public outcry demands justice, accountability, and systemic reform, but it also sparks a deeply personal panic among parents of young boys: How do we ensure our children do not slowly, imperceptibly morph from kind, empathetic children into indifferent perpetrators of harm?
We Must Raise Boys Who Don’t Resent Women
For parents navigating the early years of education, the divergence between how young boys and girls experience school environments becomes strikingly apparent. Generalizations in developmental research indicate that young boys frequently struggle with impulse control and physical restlessness, while girls often activate communication centers in the brain earlier, demonstrating advanced verbal skills, structured listening, and ease with classroom expectations.
This developmental gap can foster early feelings of inadequacy among young boys. In elementary school settings, where verbal aptitude and structured participation are heavily rewarded, boys may internalize the observation that girls appear to navigate academic expectations more smoothly. Without parental guidance, these minor social frictions can plant the early seeds of resentment toward girls and women.
Parents face the delicate task of contextualizing these feelings without validating resentment. While elementary school dynamics might occasionally favor female developmental timelines, the broader societal deck remains heavily stacked against women. Addressing these structural inequalities early through age-appropriate cultural touchstones, literature, and historical discussions helps boys understand broader power dynamics without developing defensive biases.
We Must Raise Boys Who Push Back Against Cruelty, Even When It Is Hard
Addressing overt and casual cruelty requires even more direct intervention. As children encounter complex social environments, literature, and media, opportunities arise to discuss the impact of exclusion, prejudice, and systemic bias.
However, teaching children to recognize right from wrong is no longer sufficient. Peer pressure, particularly within male group dynamics, is exceptionally powerful. Research highlights that adolescents with developing prefrontal cortexes possess a strong biological and social drive to fit in, making group conformity a formidable force. Relying solely on a child’s internal moral compass leaves them vulnerable to the pull of toxic peer groups and online radicalization pipelines found across digital platforms.
Raising resilient, responsible young men requires parents to move beyond idealized notions of morality. It demands direct, unvarnished conversations about the realities of modern media, casual bigotry, and the specific ways cruelty is often disguised as harmless entertainment. Furthermore, parental partnerships are essential; fathers and male role models must actively demonstrate everyday respect and speak up within gendered spaces, providing tangible examples that counter the passive consumption of misogyny.
As the cultural landscape continues to grapple with the fallout of institutional failures and widespread digital cruelty, the responsibility falls heavily on the homefront. Equipping the next generation requires vigilance, uncomfortable conversations, and an unwavering commitment to teaching young men that true courage means standing up for the humanity of others, even when it comes at a social cost.
