The bar for raising young men has undoubtedly risen. In a cultural landscape that continues to devalue women and normalize cruelty, parents—particularly mothers—are facing an urgent reckoning over how to ensure their sons grow up to respect the bodily autonomy and humanity of others.
In the wake of the legal and social fallout surrounding the Cornell 7—the group of seven fraternity brothers at Cornell University accused of drugging and sexually assaulting a 20-year-old student over the course of seven hours in 2024—discussions about accountability, institutional power, and campus culture have dominated public discourse. While outrage has justifiably centered on a legal system that failed the survivor, the power structures that shield influential men from meaningful consequences, and calls to abolish campus Greek life entirely, a quieter, more profound anxiety has gripped parents across the country.
Mothers and fathers are left grappling with a deeply unsettling question: How are we raising young men who, en masse, feel comfortable referring to a drugged and incapacitated woman in the crudest terms possible?
The allegations outlined in the lawsuit filed by the student, referred to as Jane Doe, include fraternity members using explicit phrases in a group chat to determine if others could participate in the assault. Public dismay has focused not only on the primary suspects, but on the members of the seemingly fraternity-wide group chat titled "Chi Phi Actives"—none of whom reportedly alerted authorities or intervened when those messages were broadcast.
Rather than appearing as an isolated aberration, experts and commentators note that this behavior represents a probable outcome of systemic cultural shifts. Hard-won gains in accountability for sexual violence, gender equity, and bodily autonomy are increasingly slipping away, supplanted by casual violence, casual sexism, and normalized cruelty. Furthermore, these behaviors are frequently amplified and rewarded by digital algorithms designed to prioritize user reactions above all else.
We Live in a World That Normalizes Cruelty
The normalization of cruelty is what cuts deepest for parents observing these societal trends. It is difficult to reconcile the actions alleged in the Cornell lawsuit with a lack of choices or opportunities. These young men attended one of the nation’s premier academic institutions, possessing significant privilege and prospective futures.
The alleged actions require a fundamental detachment from empathy—a casual disregard for life, body, and autonomy, and a failure to recognize a fellow human being as an equal. Observers of sexual violence have long emphasized that such acts are rooted not in desire, but in power. The alleged events at Cornell saw individuals exercising power over a drugged and incapacitated peer. While reports indicate that two members ultimately intervened to stop the situation, it occurred only after multiple alleged assaults, and long after the initial digital communication began without a single peer stepping forward to protect the victim or alert authorities.
As public outcry demands justice, institutional accountability, and systemic reform, parents are left wondering how sweet, empathetic boys can transform into perpetrators without warning.
We Must Raise Boys Who Don’t Resent Women
Addressing this challenge often begins in early education, where educators observe a widening behavioral and developmental gap between young boys and girls. Generalizations show that young boys frequently struggle with impulse control and physical restlessness, while girls often activate communication centers in the brain earlier, adapting more readily to structured classroom environments like raising hands and verbalizing thoughts.
This dynamic can foster a sense of early inequity among young boys who perceive that academic and social expectations favor girls. Left unaddressed, these minor frustrations can plant the seeds of resentment toward women and girls. Parents face the critical task of providing context to these feelings, ensuring that early competitiveness does not distort a child’s understanding of mutual respect. While children navigate localized classroom dynamics, the broader societal structures continue to present systemic imbalances that require thoughtful, ongoing dialogue.
Parents are finding ways to introduce these complex concepts early—using literature, historical narratives, and age-appropriate media to highlight how power structures historically limit individuals from living life on their own terms.
We Must Raise Boys Who Push Back Against Cruelty, Even When It’s Hard
Beyond addressing potential resentment, parents emphasize the urgent need to confront casual cruelty directly. Everyday media consumption, peer interactions, and literature offer teachable moments to discuss bias, exclusion, and systemic disrespect.
However, teaching children to identify right from wrong is no longer viewed as sufficient. Group dynamics and peer pressure, particularly among young males, exert a powerful influence that can override individual moral compasses. Raising children who simply know the right choice is not enough; families must cultivate active participants in society who are willing to speak up when they witness wrongdoing, even when faced with the risk of social isolation or ridicule.
Relying solely on leading by example is proving inadequate against a digital and cultural landscape filled with casual racism, sexism, and online spaces capable of radicalizing impressionable youth. Parents argue that combating these influences requires honest, uncomfortable conversations about the realities of the world, ensuring that children are not left defenseless against systemic bigotry.
Ultimately, addressing these challenges demands a collaborative approach among families, involving values-aligned partnerships where both parents actively model and discuss respect in everyday environments. As the cultural conversation continues to evolve, the responsibility falls squarely on communities to ensure the next generation is equipped with the empathy, courage, and resilience required to reject cruelty in all its forms.
