The modern workplace lexicon has officially expanded into the realm of family dynamics. For several years, the term "quiet quitting" has been widely used to describe a professional strategy where employees execute the absolute bare minimum at their jobs without formally resigning. By doing just enough to get by without striving to exceed expectations or prove themselves beyond their basic job description, workers have found a way to maintain an income while preserving their mental and emotional energy.
Now, that concept is migrating into other areas of life, including personal relationships and romantic partnerships. But according to experts and recent literature, the strategy is also being applied to one of the most complex relationships in many people’s lives: the dynamic with their mothers.
While cutting ties entirely or going "no-contact" is often discussed in contemporary culture, completely severing a relationship with a parent is rarely straightforward. Maintaining a relationship with a mother often connects individuals to critical resources necessary for daily survival or stability. For many adults, a mother still plays a significant role in personal finances, acts as a primary source of health insurance, or serves as a vital bridge to cultural roots and extended family members whom the individual does not wish to alienate.
Beyond logistics, many adult children simply desire emotional distance from their mothers without sacrificing the overarching connection entirely. As noted in the reporting for the book Motherfcked: How to Keep Your Mother’s Toxic Drama From Ruining Your Life*, these practical and emotional realities are often the driving reasons individuals choose to maintain relationships that ultimately leave them feeling exhausted and depleted.
Enter the practice of going low-contact—a concept that is precisely what it sounds like, involving staying in touch while keeping interactions minimal. However, licensed marriage and family therapist Whitney Goodman notes that there is no official, universal definition for what low-contact actually looks like in practice. For some individuals, low-contact might mean strictly avoiding one-on-one visits while checking in periodically via text message, email, quarterly phone calls, or greeting cards. For others, it could involve catching up in person while intentionally withholding the intimate details of their personal lives. The frequency varies drastically from person to person; what one individual considers low-contact—such as talking once a week—another might define as once a year.
The motivations behind choosing a low-contact approach are as diverse as the methods people use to execute it. Generally speaking, carving out space can become a necessary tool whenever a relationship begins to feel consistently painful or emotionally draining. Establishing this distance provides individuals with the essential time, energy, and emotional bandwidth required to care for themselves and attend to other vital areas of their lives.
This approach can prove especially beneficial when dealing with maternal relationships, which are frequently packed with emotional triggers for a multitude of reasons. Goodman points out that if spending time with a mother consistently feels exhausting, if an individual is tired of experiencing constant stress regarding the relationship, or if past attempts to set boundaries have repeatedly failed, pulling back from the dynamic can offer a practical path forward.
Ideally, navigating this transition involves a series of behavioral experiments rather than a rigid edict. Individuals can pull back from the relationship in various ways to observe what feels sustainable and what does not, using that feedback to determine where the boundaries of contact should lie.
Establishing a low-contact dynamic is fundamentally an exercise in boundary-setting—explicitly defining which behaviors an individual will and will not tolerate while signaling how they wish to be treated. However, much like professional boundaries, personal limits often encounter resistance. People frequently react poorly to restrictions placed on relationships, and mothers are no exception to this human tendency.
When individuals reflect on previous efforts to establish boundaries with their mothers—such as ignoring certain phone calls or declining to discuss their dating lives—the outcomes of those past attempts provide valuable insight. Mothers who have historically been receptive to gentle guardrails may prove easygoing regarding further adjustments, meaning fewer points of contact need to be severed to achieve peace of mind. Conversely, individuals whose mothers have consistently ignored or broken boundaries in the past may require much stronger, more definitive limitations to protect their well-being.
Because no standardized criteria exist for a low-contact relationship, therapists advise against getting caught up in rigid labels. The process begins with an honest assessment of the current state of affairs: evaluating how frequently time is spent together, what those interactions entail, and which specific elements make the relationship taxing. For instance, an individual might routinely see their mother every Sunday, permit unannounced visits, and respond immediately to every text message, including those that induce anxiety. Identifying which of these interactions exact the greatest emotional toll allows a person to determine whether eliminating specific points of contact will render the relationship manageable overall.
Starting small is often the most effective approach. An individual might begin by taking a deliberate pause to check in with themselves before responding to a text message from their mother, choosing not to engage in that moment if they lack the emotional capacity. If that adjustment proves insufficient for preserving their energy, they can further limit the volume of messages they answer during a given week or phase out unannounced visits entirely.
Deciding how quietly to execute this transition is another personal choice. While formal announcements are not strictly necessary, providing a mother with a preliminary explanation can sometimes be useful. If safety is not a concern and the goal of pulling back is to prompt a change in the mother’s behavior, laying out explicit plans can make sense. Furthermore, articulating the reasons behind the decision can occasionally help resolve the underlying issues that prompted the quiet quitting in the first place.
However, if the chosen version of low-contact requires no behavioral modification or cooperation from the mother, prior notification is not required. Individuals frequently choose to withhold personal information or avoid specific family events without holding a preliminary discussion. While navigating this transition can evoke feelings of guilt or discomfort, Goodman notes that many adults have already communicated their hurt feelings to their mothers repeatedly over the years, whether through direct conversation or through nonverbal cues like body language and tone of voice. Experiencing exhaustion from repeatedly recounting painful events offers individuals implicit permission to bypass further confrontations.
Should a mother notice the withdrawal and demand an explanation, the adult child retains the autonomy to respond as they see fit. They may offer context regarding their absence from certain events or conversations, but they are equally free to offer brief excuses or decline to provide a detailed justification.
Monitoring emotional health throughout the process is critical. Therapists recommend tracking emotional states through journaling, mood-tracking applications, or professional therapy sessions. The emotions that surface during this period are not always exclusively tied to the maternal relationship; breaking long-standing behavioral patterns can trigger unexpected feelings of emptiness, disorientation, or a vague sense of unease. It is also completely normal to experience moments of missing the mother, even when an individual knows they have made the correct decision for their mental health. Frequently, the grief is not for the person as they are, but for the idealized concept of a mother they will never have.
As the quiet quitting strategy takes effect, these distressing emotions should gradually decrease in frequency and intensity, replaced by a tangible sense of relief, increased personal peace, and renewed space to focus on other aspects of life. If the initial plan proves insufficient to prevent boundary violations or emotional manipulation, individuals can adjust their strategy by stepping back further until they achieve a sustainable balance.
